Shine

By MJ Lorenzo

Routine…

No big deal

I know the drill

Long pause, more pause…

Double take, retake.

Multiple expressions questionable.

They ask for more…

Marching orders

From here to there

Waiting rooms start to feel the same

All just poker faces

following protocol.

The phone rings

My heart stops

Irregular beats

Tunneled sounds

A blurred vision

Envelops me.

The voice on the other end

Penetrates the news

A maddening repeat

Running with tears

Uncontrollably…

Closed in

Worse fear

Can’t breathe…

…Can’t breathe

Stop…just stop

I plead through ‘what if’s’…

Can I just wake up?

Can I go back?

Did I get lost somewhere along the way?

I stumble

And fall hard

Feeling so betrayed

Anger rises,

Confusion is on the other end

I went in as one,

And now have a team.

Consults and decisions

Medical terms and options

Am I clear on everything?

Buffet style choices

The load is too heavy

I don’t belong here

My flesh screams ‘Why me’?

Everyone and thing

Continues on, continues on

As I am left here…frozen.

A whirlwind year

Of hard transformations

Out of the storm

I am finally set free.

There is a light to my path now

I hear no other voices

Yet another test waits at the corner.

No time to mourn what was lost

-A bigger test

As the world stumbles

can’t breathe-again

Can’t. Breathe.

A year of loss

Followed by more loss…

The fear I thought had me

I rebuke with promises.

Armed with truth

My journey is filled with only hope...

A great reset

I am stronger

With every step.

You carried me…

Through every storm,

…You carry me.

At my worse

Your strength revealed

Out of my darkness

Your light shines.